


Dry Run

by SoulOfAFangirl684



Category: Free!
Genre: Also Lack of Communication, Aro/Non-Aro Relationship, Asexual Nanase Haruka, Awkward Romance, But before Dive to the Future, Communication, Cuddling, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, It's more awkward than cute honestly, M/M, Set after Eternal Summer, Some self-discovery, Sort Of, and lots of introspection, but no sexy times, very light angst, you're in the wrong place for that...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulOfAFangirl684/pseuds/SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: Haruka Nanase liked to keep things simple. He'd never been a particularly curious person. And he was not a fan of change. But he trusted his instincts.(Or, a very asexual Haru tries to figure out exactly what Makoto means to him.)
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Yamazaki Sousuke, Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto
Comments: 15
Kudos: 86





	1. Open Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! Welcome to a new story. It’ll be a short one this time, only five chapters or so. I actually started this one way back when I wrote Unrequited, literally years ago now. Unrequited was this long one-shot about Makoto coming to terms with Haru not returning his feelings… Dry Run is a little more personal to me. I kind of wanted to finish and upload it for Asexual Awareness Week… That is in October. You’ll notice it’s February now. *shrugs* It’s actually going to be very light on the romantic orientation/sexuality talk. (I’m not sure it’s ever addressed by name throughout the entire story.) It’s just something to keep in mind, as I absolutely wrote this from the perspective of Haru being ace and definitely demi-aro or gray-aro also.  
> Now that my introduction speech is out of the way…

Haruka Nanase liked to keep things simple. He had never seen the point in small talk or going out of his way to be polite. How important could those things be, really, if they didn’t affect his ability to get the message across?

He liked knowing where he stood with people, and maybe that was why he’d always been content with just a small group of friends.

Haru had never been a particularly curious person. There were plenty of things he didn’t _need_ to know.

And he was not a fan of change. Even little changes could make him question everything else he knew to be true, and rarely were those changes anything but uncomfortable and disruptive. Complicating. But soon, with just one sentence, Haru was about to change everything. And his life would never be the same.

**…………**

It started with Kisumi. Because of course it did. Kisumi Shigino was the most disruptive person he knew, and Haru had never been particularly fond of him. He had certainly never given the other boy a reason to latch onto him the way he did. But Makoto seemed to enjoy his company, so Haru learned to deal with it. Makoto had this stunning ability to set Haru’s world back on its orbit when someone like Kisumi jumped in to throw him off-balance. And he never asked for anything in return, so Haru would give him what he could. Makoto seemed to understand that expressing gratitude was not one of his strengths.

It was the strangest time of year. The swim season had just come to an end, and this time, Haru would be graduating before the next season’s start. He had finally ironed out his future plans—there was still a school willing to work with him, so he would be going to Tokyo with Makoto—but still, his routine was interrupted. So Haru would have felt a little discombobulated anyway. Even without Kisumi being… Kisumi.

But Kisumi, it turned out, was feeling the strangeness in the atmosphere too and had shown up at Iwatobi to walk home with them. For old time’s sake, he’d said. Because there was no telling what the future held for the three of them. And he was headed that way anyway, to meet his little brother at the swim club—and Makoto had smoothly cut him off, (over the sound of Haru’s sigh) assuring him that it was fine if he wanted to walk with them. And so Haru had spent most of the journey home with his eyes turned to the waves, only keeping half a mind to Kisumi’s chatter.

“It’s just such a strange time, you know? Like, I feel like I’m just starting to realize how predictable my life’s been all these years.”

Makoto nodded. “I know. And now it’s like we’ve all been set free to go our separate ways. The weight of all the possibilities is a little intimidating, if you think about it.”

Kisumi nodded eagerly, though Haru doubted he’d ever been intimidated by anything in his whole life. “Yeah. But, hey, speaking of plans for the future, did you hear Sousuke asked Rin out? Like, on an actual _date_?!”

Makoto smiled. “I did know that. He said he wanted to try and make the long-distance thing work this time.”

Haru remembered this too. Honestly, it had not really meant anything to him one way or the other that the two were now dating. Well, Sousuke had made an attempt to be more cordial to him and he’d been scolded by Makoto for brushing it off. But for the most part, the romantic happenings of his friend and rival felt very distant to anything going on in his own life.

Only one detail had stood out to him about that meeting. Rin and Sousuke’s hands had remained latched together the entire time, like they were now, physically, a single unit. Haru’s eyes had focused there almost before he could stop himself. He couldn’t help thinking that this changed things somehow… But neither Rin nor Sousuke had been acting drastically different since this new arrangement, so he hadn’t exactly puzzled out the _how_ yet.

“Huh,” Kisumi replied cheerfully. “Who would have thought.”

“Actually, I had an idea…”

Their friend laughed. “Yeah, I guess _you_ would.”

Haru’s focus sharpened a bit at Makoto’s response. His best friend’s voice was decidedly… off. Careful. “What do you mean?”

Kisumi was unfazed. “Oh, you know, what with your own experience with a hopeless crush. Honestly, when we were in middle school, I kinda felt like a third wheel around you guys. But then I realized Haru wasn’t interested and it was just kinda… sad. But you must’ve gotten over it by now, right?”

Very suddenly, Haru stopped. Because Makoto had stopped. Kisumi’s words had never lost their bright air. And he’d always been cheerfully blunt like this. Haru doubted he’d even realized yet that his words had actually hurt. Because what Haru read on Makoto’s face now _was_ pain. Unmasked horror, a hint of embarrassment or shame, and real pain. And Haru felt time freeze for a moment.

Was it some big secret that Makoto harbored certain, not-so-platonic… feelings for him? No. Haru had deduced this years ago. And for a while, Haru had watched and waited with a rare spark of curiosity, wondering what this meant for them.

Nothing out of the ordinary, as it turned out. Makoto had remained very much the same and Haru, who was not well-versed in the realm of crushes, considered that maybe they weren’t such serious business after all.

He realized now what a grave miscalculation he’d made. Makoto’s eyes flickered to him, and in them, Haru read true fear. It was true that they’d never discussed this development in their friendship—Haru figured if there was anything that _needed_ discussing, Makoto would have brought it up—but now he saw that their open secret was not so open after all. Makoto was genuinely frightened of his reaction to this news, and Haru thought he saw tears beginning to well in his eyes—perhaps just from the shock of being outed so suddenly—as his best friend hurriedly turned away.

And this sight made something snap inside of him. Makoto shouldn’t _ever_ look that way, and the person responsible for that despairing expression needed to be put in his place.

Haru was not good with words. Never had been. But he trusted his instincts. So he didn’t hesitate to act on the first plan that came to mind.

Haru grabbed Makoto’s hand—something he hadn’t willingly initiated since they were children—and fixed a stunned Kisumi with a glare. “Makoto is not _hopeless_. Don’t talk about my boyfriend that way.”

And then he pulled his dumbfounded best friend along behind him, leaving their rude, annoying, _not_ -friend staring speechlessly after them.

They were not far from their homes, and Haru did not release his grip on Makoto’s hand, pulling him right up to his own house. He was still in a questionable mindset, and Haru didn’t want to leave him to the mercy of Ren and Ran’s questions. But the sense of urgency dissipated now that the threat had been left behind them. He slowed to a more leisurely pace as they walked up the steps, frowning at Makoto’s prolonged silence, the way he was not quite gripping his hand back.

Haru only turned to face him once they were inside the house, having let go of Makoto’s hand to take off his shoes. Makoto had mimicked his movements but remained rooted in the entryway.

He finally looked up when it became apparent that Haru was waiting for him to make the next move. His movements were slow, his eyes rising from the floor last of all. The persisting nervousness in his eyes made Haru uneasy. Makoto had never been the bravest person around. But it had always been Haru’s job to get rid of that fearful expression. Now he was suddenly the cause of it, and Haru was having a hard time wrapping his head around this development.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said at last, very quietly. “Tell him you were my… you know.”

Haru shrugged, indicating that it wasn’t a big deal, but he frowned when his friend still didn’t perk up. Makoto knew his cues as well as Haru did. When Haru was botching, or just plain incapable of, a conversation, it was Makoto’s job to take over, smooth things out. But there was no attempt at that now.

“Makoto,” he said softly when the other’s eyes began drifting back to the floor.

The sound of his name seemed to make something snap back into place, but awkwardly. As if the edges had been reshaped.

“I mean, I know you’re _not_ , of course…” Makoto’s hurried attempt to patch things up fell flat. Was it the _word_ that scared him, Haru wondered? Makoto couldn’t seem to bring himself to say it.

“Do you want me to be?” he asked in his own usual blunt way.

Makoto’s eyes widened impossibly further. “W-what?”

“Your boyfriend.” Haru frowned. This was Makoto he was talking to. He shouldn’t _need_ to clarify. And if it had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have bothered, because he knew full well that Makoto knew exactly what he was referring to. But he supposed his best friend was entitled to certain privileges that the rest of the world could do without. And perhaps he deserved to be given a break. After all, apparently Haru’s misunderstanding of their ‘open’ secret had caused a lot of heartbreak on Makoto’s part. He felt suddenly foolish for assuming that the reason Makoto hadn’t spoken up was because it was unimportant.

And now the pressure of that secret had built up until his best friend was reduced to a spluttering mess in his entryway. “W-w-uh, um, I-I mean, but you’re… You’re not… gay… are you?”

Haru frowned at Makoto’s wince once he finally got the words out. Was he regretting speaking at all? Afraid of sounding too hopeful? Makoto only seemed _more_ distressed at Haru’s shrug. What could he say? Haru had never felt that way about _anyone_ before. It wasn’t something he’d ever really given much thought to.

But it was clear that this was one topic Makoto had thought about a lot. And the fact that Haru hadn’t seemed to be enough in his mind. He supposed he could see the logic behind this line of thinking. Haru wasn’t _stupid_. He was aware of what was considered ‘normal’ or socially acceptable; he had just never felt much pressure to adhere to those standards himself. He knew that being gay was still a big deal in their world, and it made sense that the average person would have some trouble coming to terms with those feelings.

But the thought of _Makoto_ laying awake at night, fretting over this attraction, maybe even hating himself for it, was enough to turn his stomach. Because… Makoto was… Makoto. And kindness like Makoto’s didn’t come out of nowhere. How could he possibly worry his family and friends wouldn’t support him?

But Haru was starting to realize that there was no way to communicate all of this through shrugs.

“Do you want me to be?” he asked again. Haru rarely bothered to repeat himself. There was a firmness to his question this time around that would let anyone know he meant business. A hardness to his eyes.

But Makoto didn’t need all the cues. He seemed to have come back to himself. He was once again the person who could read Haru like a book without even looking at him. So he held his best friend’s gaze, swallowed, and took a deep breath.

“Yes.”


	2. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is where it feels like the real story begins...

Haru nodded and turned to go put his bookbag in his room. That was that. Makoto remained behind for an extra second, frozen to the spot, as if he couldn’t believe he’d actually said it.

Haru wondered if he was supposed to feel different now that he was officially someone’s boyfriend. Did Makoto feel different? Their afternoon was rather ordinary compared to the drama of the walk home. With the final exams of their high school career fast approaching, they’d begun dedicating their afternoons to studying. Before long they were set up at the table, with only their books between them, like any other day. But today, when Makoto would glance up every so often, Haru knew it wasn’t to make sure he was still on track. Though he chose not to comment, Haru suspected Makoto was the one getting nothing done today. His constant fidgeting lent to an unusually tense atmosphere…

Until the light from the sun’s rays began to fade and Makoto straightened up with a deep breath. He sent one of his familiar soft smiles Haru’s way and began packing up his things. “It’s getting late. Are you coming over for dinner tonight?”

It was such a perfunctory question these days. Haru rarely took him up on this offer. Perhaps that was why Makoto’s mouth popped open to form a little ‘O’ when Haru nodded. His movements paused for just a second. Perhaps he was absorbing the implications of taking his best friend—his new boyfriend—home to have dinner with his parents.

But this was not such a strange occurrence, really. After his mother had relocated to be closer to his father’s job more permanently, Mrs. Tachibana had insisted Haru join them for dinner at least three nights a week. As the years passed, he’d gotten more adept at taking care of himself—even if he was still a little too dependent on his routines and mackerel did make up the majority of his diet—but the standing invitation remained. So Haru was curious about whether this changed things but aimed to treat it like any other night. And Makoto, it seemed, had decided to follow his lead.

So the walk down to Makoto’s house was casual. Makoto’s voice held only the softest hint of a tremble when he announced his return and Haru’s arrival. Which, of course, brought his younger siblings running to greet him with their usual excitement. And which Haru responded to with his usual quiet fondness. Makoto appeared relieved at the ordinariness of this exchange, and Haru felt a flare of triumph. Finally, it seemed he had done something right.

The Tachibanas did not seem to notice that anything had changed between the two of them. Dinner, too, was an ordinary affair. Because it was Makoto’s parents, Haru made an effort to hide his groans when the conversation inevitably turned to plans for the future. (Just because he actually had plans now didn’t endear him to the tedious topic at all.) Luckily, Makoto did most of the talking.

“So you’re both heading off to Tokyo now, huh?” Mr. Tachibana remarked, almost absentmindedly dishing out a second serving for his younger son.

Makoto nodded. “Different schools, but they’re pretty close. Once finals are over, we’re going to go look for an apartment together.”

He paused, chopsticks halfway to his mouth, as he absorbed his own words. And, in light of the last few hours, Haru supposed the two of them getting an apartment together did have some different connotations now. 

“Everything okay?” Makoto’s mother asked. “You look a little flushed.”

Indeed, Makoto’s face had warmed a bit, but he swallowed and put on his most convincing smile. “Yeah, I’m just… tired. I think today’s catching up to me.”

Mr. Tachibana looked up, smiling good-naturedly. “Ah, youth…” he joked in that over-the-top _dad_ way. “Say what you will about high school being the prime of your life and all that, but I don’t miss that last year.” 

His wife smiled and shook her head at his overly wistful reminiscing, and Makoto seemed to relax a bit. It was just so… normal. Dinner as a whole was almost disturbingly normal. 

Once everyone had finished, Makoto moved automatically to clear the dishes from the table. Haru shadowed him, but save for a few brief smiles, Makoto seemed reluctant to meet his eyes. And unusually relieved when he denied the twins’ request to hang around after playing video games.

“I’ll walk Haru back up the hill,” Makoto offered a little too quickly. “Be right back.”

He had to suppress another sigh as the door closed behind them. Makoto was still surrounded by this tense atmosphere, radiating uneasiness. His response to one of his dreams coming true after all these years wasn’t quite living up to Haru’s expectations. He didn’t try to take his hand this time, just in case. “…Did I say something wrong?”

Mentally, he tried to run back through all the conversation throughout dinner… But he hadn’t actually said all that much. No more than usual… Which, even around the Tachibanas, was next to nothing.

“No!” Makoto rushed to assure him. “No… Just… Maybe we can hold off on telling my family? Just for now?”

“Sure.” Haru tilted his head as Makoto’s shoulders relaxed a bit. Perhaps this was normal. (Haru sure wouldn’t know.) For all he knew, Rin and Sousuke had been together for months before they’d told anyone. He did feel like he was still missing something, though.

“Thanks.” They’d reached Haru’s door. Finally, that familiar soft smile was back in place. It urged a smile in return from Haru. Makoto turned to head back down. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Haru’s smile faded, those prickles of confusion returning. “Wait.”

Makoto turned back with a questioning expression. 

“Aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?” Because he may not have known much about dating, but he was pretty sure that was supposed to come next.

Makoto’s face flushed so red that he could see it clearly even in this dim lighting. He opened his mouth, but no response emerged. Someone else may have been reassured that their partner was apparently as lost and inexperienced as they were, but it rubbed Haru the wrong way. He was used to Makoto knowing what to do. Even when he did stand his ground and go against his friend’s wishes, it was always with the silent knowledge that he was just being stubborn or avoiding his responsibilities. 

“Oh, uh, yeah,” he finally answered, sounding a little dazed. “I guess we should.”

Haru nodded. He saw Makoto hurriedly wipe his hands against his jeans before stepping closer. His own palms were dry. But he would wonder about that later. He watched his friend until Makoto averted his eyes, his blush darkening again for just a second.

It was all very quick. Makoto turned at the last second, as if he was going for Haru’s cheek instead. As a result, they caught each other on the corner of their mouths. It was chaste and a little awkward, but Makoto pulled back before he really had time to linger on it.

“Right, well, good night!” he practically chirped out, his face still pink, before all but running back down to his own house.

That was good… right?

** ………… **

Haru’s mind was still stuck on the previous night as he soaked in the bath the next morning. He’d never kissed anyone before. As far as he knew, neither had Makoto. Had he lived up to his friend’s (his boyfriend’s, he corrected himself) expectations? He wasn’t sure he had any expectations himself. Makoto seemed happy last night… right? 

He sunk a little deeper into the water, leaving only his nose free to continue supplying him with oxygen. This relationship business was exhausting. 

This is how Makoto found him when he appeared in his bathroom. He hovered in the doorway, though, and Haru rose to his feet without any prompting, and started searching out each piece of his uniform. (Though Makoto had already set out most of it on his bed before coming to retrieve him from the bathroom.) The taller boy was smiling, but that edge of uneasiness had returned. Was he wondering if he’d dreamed the events of the previous day? …Which answer was he hoping for?

They didn’t speak much as Haru got ready for school. They’d adapted to being able to communicate without words—or entirely through one-sided conversations—a long time ago. But once their houses were out of sight, once they had started along the familiar path to the school, Haru slipped his hand into Makoto’s again. 

He seemed a little surprised at first. But a small smile formed on his face again, and he didn’t pull away until they spotted the crowd filtering into the school. And Haru wasn’t complaining. It felt like something they _should_ be doing, but he wasn’t big on handholding. His palm started sweating, and he kept feeling these little twitches going through Makoto’s fingers—like the contact was making him nervous—and he was honestly kind of glad when they were able to go back to walking with the usual amount of space between them. 

All the same, so far so good, he supposed. His mind felt so busy these days. He was glad their classes were mainly review for the upcoming exams, because he found himself struggling to focus on anything but Makoto. His now-boyfriend (he wondered, did that disqualify him from also being his best friend now?) had been a constant presence in his life for about as long as he could remember. They’d had their adjustment period, of course, when they’d first been getting to know each other. But Haru could hardly even remember that now. They’d settled into each other’s company so easily… Honestly… it had allowed him to never give Makoto much thought at all.

It made him feel a little guilty now. Because clearly, Makoto had never grown that numb to _him_. He glanced over at the other boy now, and Makoto’s eyes flickered over to meet his a second later. It was uncanny. Like they were magnets. Like Makoto could _feel_ the direction of Haru’s thoughts shifting. 

Was this awareness natural and unassuming to Makoto? Or was his crush just one big drain on his focus and energy? Haru had never given it much thought before. (After all, wasn’t that just who Makoto was? He kept an eye on _everyone_.) But now he hoped not with a force that caught him off-guard. It thudded in his chest like a physical addition to his self, demanding to be acknowledged.

Makoto smiled upon catching his eye, and Haru found it incredibly easy to smile back. Like a reflex. Seeing Haru made Makoto smile. And he’d never really considered that before, but now it made him feel… warm. He liked that.

And he may not have understood this dating thing completely… but if Makoto kept smiling at him like this… he got the feeling any doubts he had would just… slip away.


	3. Adjustments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it's because 90% of this story was written within the last month, (which is really quickly for me) but rereading it as I'm typing it up... it feels like things are moving a lot more slowly for them.

The end of the year brought about a change in the air throughout the school that he’d never really been able to appreciate before. He’d had little interest in the seniors and their heightened emotions about being sent out into the real world. He’d tried to ignore his own impending future as long as possible. 

But now it was _his_ classmates getting all jittery in the face of graduation. And he could no longer avoid the firsthand effects of this as their third-period course came to an end, and a girl from his homeroom slipped into the room. She was doing her best to be inconspicuous, but the teenagers who had yet to disperse for lunch practically snapped to attention. They could _smell_ the gossip about to emerge. And they weren’t disappointed.

The girl—Mayu, he thought?—slipped up to his desk, hands clasped in front of her. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Makoto open his mouth to greet her, but she paid him no mind. A pink flush slid across her cheeks, her eyes demurely downcast as she finally spoke. “Um… Haru? I was wondering… if maybe you’d like to see a movie with me this weekend? You know, like a date?” 

The words died on Makoto’s tongue, his mouth falling open in surprise. Around them, giggles and whispers started up, but Mayu stood her ground, waiting for his answer. 

Haru blinked; it took a moment for her question to sink in. All the while, he could feel Makoto’s eyes on him. As if _he_ didn’t know what Haru’s answer was going to be. A surge of annoyance went through him at that, but he kept his tone neutral as he replied, “Sorry. I’m taken.”

“Oh!” The girl’s blush became even more apparent, and the whispers surged in volume until they were almost at regular-conversation level. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t know!” she squeaked out before fleeing the classroom.

At the door, he could see one of her friends waiting for her, and they both dashed out of sight. Haru still had not moved from his desk. He turned to Makoto, who swallowed, trying to school his dumbstruck expression. “Wow. That was… uh…”

Haru narrowed his eyes, frowning. “What?” 

“I just… wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I think I’ve seen her at some of our swim meets. I guess she was watching you…” 

Haru shrugged. “Well, I’ve never talked to her. I’m not sure I even know her name.”

“Haru!” Makoto hissed, immediately reaching over to slap a hand over his mouth, just a second too late to stop anything. “That’s… _mean_.” 

Haru gave him a look, not needing any words. Makoto’s face was close, his wearied expression terribly familiar. He finally removed his hand with a sigh, and Haru shrugged. “It’s not like she was still around to hear it.” 

Makoto just shook his head, and the two boys finally began gathering up their things. And it was actually kind of… nice. The first time, he realized, that Makoto had touched him in any casual manner since the shock of the previous afternoon. It finally felt comfortable again. Enough so that they forgot they’d had an audience until they were out in the hallway and realized just how quickly those whispers traveled. 

“Hey, did you hear?”

“I mean, I’m not surprised he turned her down… Nanase doesn’t really strike me as the last-minute-fling type…”

“I don’t know… They say the quiet ones…”

“Pretty smooth lie, though… Didn’t think he had it in him.”

“How do you know it was a lie?”

“Pfft. Come on. _Nanase_?” 

Makoto heard them first, stiffening up and ducking his head. (Not that this had ever helped him be inconspicuous. He was still a good head taller than most of their peers.) Only the tips of his ears were red right now, but Haru knew it would spread. He prodded him in the side. Not too hard, just enough to get him moving at a normal pace. And the whispers faded to nothing as they climbed the stairs to the roof.

The door clicked shut behind them, blocking out the rest of the sound. But not for long. Rei and Nagisa were already there, waiting for them. And the whispers had clearly reached their ears as well. The younger boys’ eyes locked onto them immediately, the questions out in the air before they’d given them voice. But that was coming too.

“Haru-chan! Is it true?!”

“Haruka senpai, we heard… well…”

They began at the same time, the jumbled mess of their words actually coming through pretty clearly. Makoto took Haru’s lead, taking a seat and taking out their lunches as if nothing had been said. There was a single beat of silence before Nagisa’s patience ran out.

“Well?! Are you dating someone or not?!”

“Yes,” he answered simply, continuing to eat.

“…Who?” Rei asked after Nagisa sent him a wild, searching look.

“Makoto,” he answered just as simply. The boy in question took a deep breath and tried not to react too dramatically. The two younger boys more than picked up the slack.

“ _Whaaaat_?!” they screamed in unison, mouths falling open. 

Makoto winced. “Okay, okay…” His own voice was overly soft in contrast. “If you keep shouting, someone’ll come running.”

But Nagisa had already moved on, his eyes sparkling. “Ha! I knew it! Next time you see Rin, tell him he owes me 50 yen.”

Makoto’s mouth fell open, looking a little horrified. His chopsticks had frozen in midair. “You _what?!_ And wait, _Rin_ too?”

Rei nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, that does seem a little hypocritical, doesn’t it?”

Makoto’s head swung his way. “That’s not what I—”

His sputtering was drowned out by Nagisa’s laughter. And then that, too, lapsed easily back into their usual conversation. It was starting to surprise Haru how normal his life still seemed. It felt like very little had changed.

…But was that because they weren’t acting like enough of a couple?

He almost wanted to groan. Like he needed one more thing to worry about.

** ………… **

They were back at Haru’s house that afternoon, their books laid out in front of them. Like always these days. (Not having a designated time for swimming was starting to wear on him.) His lack of enthusiasm must have been clearer than usual, because Makoto paused and gave him a pointed look, that patient smile in place.

“Done already?”

The lilt to his words definitely signified a joke, a probe to get back to work. But Haru stared back, dead serious. “Yes. Let’s watch TV instead.”

Makoto’s pause went on. He’d caught him off-guard enough to have his full attention. Good.

“You never watch TV.” 

True enough. Sometimes Makoto would turn on the news when he came over in the morning. On the days when Haru really couldn’t be rushed. But Haru himself tended to turn it on only to then get lost in his own thoughts. So he’d gradually started to just skip that first step.

Makoto was surprised enough to nod slowly and get to his feet. Haru followed him around the low table to the couch. Makoto had grabbed the remote on his way, and the television clicked on across the room. (Sure enough, the last channel it had been on was the news station, and they left it there.) The volume was so low, they would have had to strain to hear it. It said enough on its own that neither of them moved to turn it up. It remained as nothing more than a soft buzz around them.

Makoto sat down on the couch, looking a little stiffer than usual. Haru took up a spot beside him… much closer than usual. They hovered awkwardly at an impasse for a moment, until Haru leaned the rest of the way over, letting Makoto support his weight.

Even as long as they’d known each other, he could count quite easily the number of times they’d been this close. Exuberant, spur-of-the-moment team hugs after victorious swim meets. Waking up after sleepovers to find one of them had rolled in the other’s direction during the night. And then, of course, their barely-there kiss the night before. Every example that popped to mind was marked by its brevity. The moment never went on long enough to be worth mentioning. They’d always separated again before it had time to get awkward. As they’d gotten older, even their various haunted house excursions had shifted—now that he thought about it, Makoto had gone from gripping his arm to just grabbing the back of his shirt as Haru led them fearlessly through. 

This was decidedly different. Touching for the sake of touching. Exactly the sort of thing Haru had stubbornly warded off for most of his life. 

It was distracting. He didn’t think he would have been able to focus on the TV even if that had been the objective. It was hard to think about anything but the feel of Makoto’s arm pressed up against his own. And _damn_ , he’d always known the softhearted boy was built like a brick wall, but he’d never truly appreciated it before. Was it this sturdiness that made Kou go all starry-eyed when they walked around without their shirts? He wasn’t sure he got it, exactly, but he supposed he preferred this more than someone else leaning up against _him_. 

Makoto’s eyes were glued to the television program they weren’t watching. Haru was pretty sure he was literally holding his breath. He tried to counter this by breathing deeply himself. All this touching didn’t come naturally to him, but he tried to relax his own muscles even further. 

And Makoto couldn’t continue with these shallow breaths forever. Haru could feel the exact moment he tried to relax as well. Makoto shifted, moving his arm to slip around Haru’s back instead. Somehow it was more awkward to be positioned against his side—sort of laying up against his chest, sort of holding himself up at a weird angle. 

This was… less nice. Thankfully, Makoto had not lost his ability to read Haru’s silences completely. They slid down in their seats until Haru was essentially laying on top of him. This was… better. He could feel every breath and movement Makoto took or made. Which was again distracting at first… but he grew used to it. 

Haru had never been big on hugs. He never thought he’d enjoy cuddling… But this was nice. It didn’t feel obligatory, like he was waiting for it to end. It was comfortable. Enough so that his mind was soothed out of the past, of constantly lingering on how things with Makoto had changed.

He could almost fall asleep like this…

“I should probably get back before Ren or Ran come up to see what’s keeping me.” Makoto’s voice was soft. The only reason it could compete with the hum of the news anchor was because he was so close. Haru could feel the words vibrate through his chest as he spoke them. It took another second for their meaning to cut through his drowsiness.

He pushed himself up, a little reluctantly, and noted that it _was_ a bit later than Makoto usually stayed. All Haru voiced in return was a short little hum that could have meant anything at all. But this was nothing new to Makoto. He smiled fondly at Haru—one of the old smiles that he’d stopped noticing until recently—and began gathering up his things. Haru left his own mess where it was. He would actually have to do the rest of his homework at some point tonight. No sense in putting his books away just to have to pull them back out later.

“Are you coming over again tonight?” Makoto asked. Their cuddling session had broken down some sort of wall. The invitation didn’t seem to make him nervous this time. There was a serene look that hadn’t left Makoto’s face yet.

Haru glanced at his books and unfinished essay again and sighed. “Not tonight.”

Makoto’s smile quirked up a bit at the edges. That look he got when Haru was being responsible of his own accord. It usually made Haru want to roll his eyes, but today it had a different effect. Something nudged around his insides. Pleasure? Pride? It sort of made Haru want to smile back.

“All right. See you in the morning then.” Makoto left then. It only occurred to Haru afterwards that perhaps he was meant to walk him to the door now. 

His own dinner was modest and quick. And he did manage to get some of his work done. But Haru turned in early that night… only to lay awake for a while after. 

The only thing swimming these days was his head, trying to keep up with all the adjustments he’d been making to his life. He had never done well with change. It was hard to keep track of when he was supposed to treat Makoto differently and when things could continue on like they always had. It was getting harder to tell whether these adjustments were a nuisance or if he was starting to enjoy them. But that should be a good thing, right? He’d initiated this change himself. He wanted Makoto to continue to smile. And it had begun to feel important that he was reason behind those smiles.

Under the covers, his fingers twitched. On impulse, he reached out and grabbed his cell phone off the bedside table. (Considering he used it about as often as the TV, it was a miracle it was charged.) He had very few contacts and found Makoto’s name easily. After deliberating for just another second, he sent two simple words: _Good night._

He received no response for what felt like a very long time. Makoto always had an ear out for his phone—just in case—so he was sure he’d seen it. But for some reason, this lack of an answer didn’t worry or irritate him. He could all too easily picture the smile that popped onto Makoto’s face when he saw such an unnecessary text from Haru—something he wouldn’t have bothered with in the past. He could imagine him taking all this time to try and find a perfect response. And in the end, he did find it.

_ Good night <3 _

It was the little heart, he bet, that had caused the delay. It made Haru smile as well. He set his phone back down and drifted off to sleep quite easily this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what? I think the pacing thing just felt a little off because I got the chapters mixed up in my mind a little. (You know, it's just so hard to keep track of all 5 of them... XD) I thought this was the making out chapter. And then about halfway through, I remembered it was just the cuddling chapter and was all, Oh yeah... we're not there yet. Next time...


	4. Lines to Cross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three was the halfway mark… You guys ever think about how saying "it's all downhill from here" could mean two opposite things? (It's reeeeaaal late as I'm sitting down to type this up. ^^')

The end of Haru’s first week as someone’s boyfriend arrived quite uneventfully. They were not yet at a point where they were holding hands in public or kissing between classes. He wasn’t sure if they were supposed to be. Were the rules different because they were both boys? Not that he knew what the rules were to start with.

Nagisa kept shooting them mischievous looks and raised eyebrows. Sometimes Rei would glance between the two of them and blush. Nagisa got an earful from Kou about not coming straight to her with the news. (Apparently, she’d had stakes in the bet too.) So at first, their lunches had been a bit weird. But those were already evening out. They’d begun to return to talking about the regular things. 

…Which were tests, mostly. Either Nagisa’s progress on his own grades or the ones Haru and Makoto were preparing for. Rei seemed to find both equally engrossing. They were the exact topics that had gradually driven Kou to spend more time with the friends she’d had before she’d gotten swept up in all their swim club craziness. Haru wished he could just take off too sometimes. (He’d finally accepted that his life was moving ahead to a new stage; did they really have to talk about it every second of every day?) If they all knew this particular silence was him tuning it all out, no one called him on it.

But he couldn’t contain his sigh when Makoto followed him in that afternoon and set down his books like any other day. He was sick of review prep and practice essays. It was _Friday_. Couldn’t they get a head start on the weekend, just this once? 

Makoto sat down as usual and searched his folders until he found the paper he was looking for. But Haru reached over and covered his hand with his own—pinned it down, really—when he picked up his pen. Makoto blinked up at him in surprise, and Haru held his gaze.

“Not today.”

“O-Okay…”

They were silent for a moment. Haru didn’t remove his hand, but he hadn’t planned farther than this. At last, he decided to be blunt. “Should we be doing more?”

“M-More?” Makoto’s eyes were still on the hand covering his—as if they hadn’t been connected by those very hands on their walks to and from school almost every day this week—so Haru knew he got the gist. But it was Makoto. So he clarified anyway.

“As a couple. I don’t know how this is supposed to work, exactly. But I’ve barely even kissed you.”

There was a balance here he still hadn’t found. He’d begun this venture to make Makoto happy. He still wanted that. If anything, it had become even _more_ important to him. But the boy was still walking on tiptoes around him in a way he hated. Wasn’t this supposed to be their honeymoon stage? It didn’t feel like much of a celebration. 

Haru removed his hand and moved around to the other side of the table. He scooted closer, waiting for some sort of signal or direction. But Makoto was still, watching him. The jitters seemed to have left him. If he was looking for something specific in Haru’s eyes, he wasn’t sure what it was. He wasn’t used to Makoto being the silent one.

He set down one hand to brace himself beside Makoto’s knee, leaning in to match up their lips. They’d gotten a little better at this the past few nights—he’d at least hit the right target every attempt past the first. But this was the first time it wasn’t meant to be brief. 

Makoto’s mouth was… squishy. (Soft, was the word he was pretty sure he was supposed to use.) And it always was… He just didn’t usually have so much time to focus on it. He tried not to. And then told himself he probably shouldn’t be trying to distance himself from the experience—Makoto knew him inside-out and was sure to pick up on it.

Gradually, they slid down until Haru was resting entirely on Makoto’s chest. It was reminiscent of their cuddling—which he’d decided he liked—and he tried to keep that in mind. They were just very… close. He could feel every breath Makoto took—it moved his stomach, his chest, exhaled as a little puff of air against Haru’s cheek—and it made him hyperconscious of each of his own breaths. 

He was pretty sure he was the one to break it off. He slumped down to press his face against Makoto’s shoulder… if only to stave off the urge to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, which was decidedly… wetter than it had been before. With that distraction gone, he could feel Makoto’s heart beating, a bit faster than usual. It was entirely welcome when he eased them back up into a sitting position, resting up against the couch for support.

Haru… tried not to linger too much on his own reaction. He hoped it had been what Makoto wanted. He hadn’t been the one to initiate it, but… Well, Makoto wasn’t good at taking things for himself. Not when someone else’s feelings or desires were at stake. They all knew that. He thought it was a good sign when those strong arms encircled him a little more tightly, in a more proper hug.

“You didn’t have to do that,” he said at last, very softly.

Haru shrugged, knowing Makoto would be able to feel every muscle in his back and shoulders moving as he did so. When they were like this, the closeness _did_ feel nice. What was the word…? Intimate. For the first time, he sort of understood why people got all goofy and poetic about romance… about this kind of connection with another person.

“I wanted to,” was ultimately his answer. And he had. At first. He would also kind of like to never do it again, but he supposed he’d cross that bridge if the time came when he couldn’t just convince Makoto to swim across instead.

It was moments like this where he was reminded that Makoto had been his best friend long before he ever became his boyfriend. Because they couldn’t currently look each other in the eyes, not in this position, but he seemed to know exactly what was going unsaid. Makoto squeezed him a little tighter, just for a second, before loosening that grip until those arms were just resting against Haru’s back. Giving him the chance to pull away, if he wanted, he knew. “…And? What did you think?”

Haru held on tighter to mend that loss. Part of him hoped that would convey everything he wanted Makoto to hear. But he knew he couldn’t lie. “…Mouths are gross.”

To his relief, Makoto started to laugh. He felt those chuckles reverberating through his chest before they began shaking them both. And he melted a little into the sensation. Makoto buried his nose into Haru’s hair and… yes. So the whole making out thing was a little questionable. (He honestly thought starting with roaming hands instead couldn’t have been worse.) But _this_. This was nice.

** ………… **

Saturday was a big day. They were meeting Rin and Sousuke at a little café (apparently highly recommended by Kou) in the afternoon. Their only outing after a week of diligent (…) studying. And the first thing Haru figured could count as an actual date, double or otherwise. 

He had pretty much given up on trying to figure out the proper order these things were supposed to follow. He was counting it a success as long as they happened at all.

He took a deep breath as he stepped outside. He’d considered waiting in the tub until Makoto inevitably came to get him—as was their routine—but he was actually itching to get out. The freedom of getting to go somewhere without his bookbag was intoxicating. Were the upcoming finals getting to him? Whatever. He was being a responsible adult, getting places on time. Makoto would be proud.

Speaking of. The other boy was just leaving his own house as Haru started down the hill. Their eyes caught, and they both smiled. Makoto waited until Haru was at his level, and then they walked the rest of the way down together. On reflex, Haru reached for his hand, but Makoto had always been more perceptive than people gave him credit for. He linked their pinkies together and left it at that.

“It’ll be good to see them again. Rin’s leaving for Australia as soon as Samezuka’s finals are through, so I’m glad they were able to make the time. I can’t imagine how Sousuke must feel right now.” 

Haru hummed in response. Makoto was long used to upholding the entire conversation himself and not expecting much more. The café was a cozy little place on the corner of a street filled with shops. It was a rather sharp curve around the corner. There was just a sliver of sidewalk. They found their friends seated at a window booth, and from inside, it looked almost like they were literally sitting on the street.

“Hey, guys. Wondered what was taking you so long.” Rin’s greeting was casual enough, but his gaze was intense. Haru saw the way those eyes snagged on their pinkies—still locked together—and remembered the way his own stare had lingered on _their_ hands the first time he’d seen Rin and Sousuke out as a couple. 

Makoto laughed sheepishly. “Sorry, are we late?”

“No,” Sousuke answered, freeing them from Rin’s scrutiny. “We were early.”

Rin shrugged away the details, and Haru finally slipped his finger out of Makoto’s to slide into the booth across from Sousuke. They exchanged a quick glance before politely averting their eyes—Sousuke smiling up at Rin, Haru observing the passersby out the window. He thought he heard one of the two standing boys sigh—probably Makoto—but he considered this progress. They weren’t at each other’s throats, glaring the whole time. 

“Whatever,” Rin answered. “Kou wouldn’t let me leave the house without a list of recommendations, and she’s expecting a full report when I get back, so I went ahead and ordered for everyone. One of you, come help me carry it all.”

“Of course,” Makoto offered, a little too readily. Haru shot him a sharp look, suspicious that this was a ploy to give him time to _bond_ with Sousuke, but the two were already walking away. 

“So…” Sousuke spoke up after a moment. “How’s life as a claimed man?”

Why couldn’t he have just kept his mouth shut? Their others weren’t going to be gone for that long. He fixed him with a hard look for an extra second, trying to suss out if there was a challenge there or some rude implication. But Sousuke held his gaze very neutrally, so Haru considered the question.

“It’s very… warm.”

Sousuke gave a soft little chuckle, but it sounded distinctly fond. “Yeah… I guess that’s a word for it.”

They settled into a comfortable sort of silence he’d never really experienced with Sousuke before. There was _always_ some underlying tension between them. And honestly, he wasn’t even completely sure why. He’d started to ask Makoto once, but all he’d gotten was this secretive smile, like Makoto understood something about Sousuke that Haru would never be able to understand even if he did try to explain— _ohhh…_

Huh. He glanced across the room at the other two. They weren’t even at the counter yet but seemed to be chatting amiably. Perhaps he would have to reappraise Sousuke. Another gentle giant pining after a childhood friend he thought could never possibly return his feelings? Perhaps redirecting that frustration at the boy he thought that crush favored instead?

He considered saying something. About how he’d never thought of Rin that way. Or how he didn’t _think_ Rin had ever shown that sort of interest in him.

But the moment dragged on and he realized… that there was really no need anymore. Which was comforting in its own way.

** ………… **

The café hadn’t seemed half this crowded until they’d joined the line waiting for their turn at the counter. Makoto felt bad for the two girls struggling to keep track of and gather all the orders. They were clearly understaffed and didn’t look like they could’ve been out of high school for more than a year or two themselves.

He’d been planning to press Rin about this bet his friends had apparently all been in on behind their backs—because _really_? What a cliché reaction. He knew he’d never exactly been subtle, but was it too much to ask for a little originality? In any case, it turned out Rin had something else to say as well.

“So… You and Haru, huh?” It was the worst attempt at sounding casual he’d ever heard from anyone. But then, Rin had never been much better at hiding what he was thinking than Makoto was.

“Yeah. It’s been an interesting month for both of us.” He hoped his smile wasn’t as strained as it felt. Rin may have been out of their lives for some big years, but he still knew his friend well. He could tell something was coming. Some criticism or question he wouldn’t want to answer.

Rin blew out a deep breath as this little scoffing exhale. “You’re telling me. I mean, Sousuke was always _there_ , you know? We still hung out, even after he got weird about the rivalry thing. I figured I knew him better than anyone. Who woulda thought there might be another reason for it?”

Makoto cut his eyes away, briefly taking in the little cakes another customer was setting down at their table, perhaps a little too quickly. He saw Rin draw himself up in surprise out of the corner of his eye and didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh… or roll his eyes while he was still turned away and could get away with it. Could Rin really have been that blind? He was pretty sure Haru at least _knew_ , even if he’d chosen not to question it. Until recently…

“Wait, seriously? What tipped _you_ off?” Well, that answered _that_ question. 

“I guess I was just in a better position to recognize it,” was ultimately his response, letting Rin off the hook. Because of course he did. And maybe Sousuke’s crush really wouldn’t have been as obvious to someone else. Whatever. It was in the past now.

They were getting close to the front now. Makoto swallowed, his hand twitching at his side… like his thoughts were an itch demanding to be scratched. Knowing Rin was in no position to judge him for being caught off-guard, there _was_ something else he’d wanted to ask… 

“Hey, Rin… How are things now that you and Sousuke are together? I mean, you were already living together, but is that… different now?”

He was glad Rin seemed to get what he was trying to say, because he wasn’t sure he could articulate it any better than that. His friend rolled his shoulders, contemplating.

“Yeah, kind of. It’s more… trying to figure out _what’s_ supposed to change, you know? Like… you’ve never shared a room with anyone, so let me tell you: the lines dictating personal space can get kinda blurry anyway. Assuming you and your room mate get along. (And it makes for a _long_ year when you don’t.) I guess there’s just… a time and a place for it?” Rin scratched the back of his head, suddenly aware Makoto was hanging onto his every word. “We tried to leave most of those lines where they were, to be honest. Like, if you or Haru cross a line, you can always take a step back and readdress it whenever you’re ready. Sousuke and I are going back to the same room at night no matter what happens during the day.” 

Makoto nodded. “Sounds complicated. I didn’t really think about it like that.”

Rin grinned. “Well, take notes. You and Haru are going apartment hunting next weekend, right? It’ll be here sooner than you think.” Rin shrugged. “There haven’t been any major issues. It’s something you can feel, you know? Sometimes Sousuke sits down on my bed and he just wants to talk about homework or whatever. Sometimes it means our clothes are coming off. It’s usually not too hard to figure out which.”

“Uh, yeah…” Makoto could feel his face heating up. He tried to cool the blush, but Rin caught it and smirked. Damn it.

“Well, maybe you and Haru aren’t quite there yet.” As if _he’d_ been anyone’s boyfriend for more than a few weeks. “Gotta be honest, though, I can’t really picture _Haru_ trying to be sexy.” 

Makoto raised an eyebrow. “Do you _want_ to?” 

Rin shuddered with a little laugh. “Hell no! How’d you finally ask him out anyway?”

He smiled, though it was a little clouded. “I didn’t. Kisumi made some comment while we were walking home together, and Haru told him we were already together.”

“ _Haru_ did? Wow…” Their conversation broke off as they finally reached the counter, and one of the girls started piling two large serving trays full of miniature desserts. Makoto could only stare. Rin sighed, looking over the receipt. They moved over a bit, trying to restack their order in a way that would make it a little more manageable. (Completely in vain.) Rin picked right back up, “I was going to ask how Haru was adapting, but if _he_ asked _you_ …” 

Makoto failed to stifle a sigh. “I wonder that myself some days… Sometimes I have no idea why he did it. I’m not always sure it’s what he really wants.”

“Hmm.” Rin seemed to consider this for all of two seconds before shrugging. “I don’t know, man. I could never get in his head like you could. Maybe you should just ask him.”

They finally gave up trying to re-pile their desserts. (They’d made quite a mess of it as it was and truly deserved the judgmental side-eye their server was giving them for messing up her work.) The two headed back over to their table at a perilous crawl, balancing the overloaded trays as best they could.

Though Makoto had wanted to have this discussion with Rin, he hadn’t expected to feel so settled afterwards. He was right. There were times when Haru was practically allergic to facing his problems head-on, but usually, the simplest solution was his preferred one. He would just ask him.

But not right now. Haru looked up as they finally reached their destination and smiled in a way that made Makoto’s limbs feel like jelly. He was thankful that Rin’s attention was on his own date and didn’t notice the way he always lost his grip on the tray at the last second.

No. Right now, he was going to sit in this booth beside his boyfriend, appreciate his newfound tolerance for having his personal bubble invaded, and overload his system with sugar. And that was all.


	5. Doors to the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this… actual swimming in a story about characters from a swimming anime? I can't say I've written too much fanfiction for sports anime, but I am generally pretty bad about skimping on the specifics about the sport in question… ^^' What can I say? Literally everything I know about competitive swimming has come from the Free! anime.

When Makoto led him back to the school that Sunday, he honestly thought they were there for some sort of intensive study session. (Like punishment for taking a whole day and a half off.) This close to the end of the school year, there _were_ groups that met on the weekends for review.

But, with a smile that told him he knew exactly what Haru was thinking, Makoto led him through the school and back out the other side through an inner door. Haru's expression cleared as they came out around the side of the pool, a welcome and familiar sight.

"Come on," Makoto said, already kicking off his shoes to go up to the deck. "I've never seen you let someone else beat you into the water."

This woke him out of his mini daze, and within seconds, his shoes and socks were off as well. His shirt came off on his way up the stairs, and Makoto heard the splash before he'd even made it up himself. He had to smile at the sight of that form gliding through the pool, aimless and entirely unrestricted. Free.

In true Makoto fashion, he gathered up all of Haru's discarded clothing and placed it off to the side before removing the rest of his own. He'd taken a page out of Haru's book and worn his swimsuit under his regular pants and was soon in the water alongside him.

He'd missed the sudden chill in the first seconds after plunging in. The slow descent to the bottom before he pushed himself back up for air. He'd missed this. It had really only been a few weeks since they'd been out here every afternoon. But it felt like an eternity now.

Haru was underwater when Makoto joined him. He felt the shift in the water before he drifted around to see the explosion of bubbles. He watched as Makoto simply… stalled there for a moment, suspended in the water. Haru watched him savoring the moment, knowing exactly how he felt for the first time in far too long. They rose to the surface in unison, breathing deep and settling in now that the initial rush had passed.

Makoto kicked up to float leisurely on his back while Haru ducked back under. He just needed one more moment. A few more seconds where it was just him and the water, fused into one being. Because he knew things would shift a little when he went back up for air. He _could_ feel that this… outing, date, whatever he wanted to call it… was about _them_. Makoto softening him up for something? The thought made him a little uneasy. If he was right, it must be for something pretty drastic. After all, he thought he'd been really good about staying open to all the 'couple-y' things in his quest to please Makoto.

But it was no use letting those worries stew into a storm of anxiety. Granted, he might have, under other circumstances. So it was a little lucky that he had a biological timer to put an end to it now. He let it go on until the protests from his lungs began to truly restrict his movements, breaking the surface and inhaling sharply.

Makoto was pretty much right where he'd left him, which was reassuring in a way that appealed to his deepest-rooted insecurities. He observed him for a moment, seeing a smile form on his face when he felt Haru's eyes on him. This was enough encouragement for him to slowly swim over and float up onto his own back so that they were both just drifting there, staring up at the sky.

It was peaceful. The feel of an incoming loaded conversation that he'd been dreading underwater had disappeared almost completely up here under the sun. Now that they weren't in motion, the water settled around them until it was almost as if the pool hadn't had any visitors that day at all. Just the way he liked it.

"This is nice," Makoto said at last. His words broke the silence, but not in a grating way. Haru hummed in agreement. He knew he could have just as easily come here himself… but a part of him wanted to thank Makoto for today. It was a mark of how much his world had expanded, he realized. He could have all the free time in the world with the water, and it still would have felt empty if he was alone.

"We'll have to check out your school's free swim hours. I'm sure you'll want to use it for more than just the team practices. If you can get there early enough, you'll probably have the pool to yourself."

Makoto thought of everything. Haru turned his head to smile fondly at him. The action dunked one of his ears completely under the water, muffling the sounds around him. To someone else, this may have been disorienting, but Haru barely noticed.

Makoto swung his eyes away from the clouds floating overhead when the water rippled with Haru's movement. When he caught the unabashed look of affection, he flushed a little. In the past, he might have assumed Makoto was getting too much sun. It was kind of embarrassing, looking back now.

Haru took a deep breath, submerging himself completely once more. He knew something was still coming. And it still made him a little uneasy. But he knew Makoto wasn't about to spring it on him here. So he was going to just enjoy this moment.

And a second later, Makoto flipped under too, leisurely making his rounds of the pool alongside him.

**…………**

They remained in the water for a long time. Until the teacher presiding over that weekend review section set her pupils free for the afternoon and was drawn by the sound of splashing. Makoto was quick to apologize and smooth over her queries about whether they'd gotten permission to use the pool… skillfully shifting in front of Haru to block his glower from her line of sight.

He'd glanced back longingly up on the deck while Makoto gathered up their clothing. (The teacher had moved on once she was satisfied that they were indeed getting out.) But Makoto caught his arm when he started in that direction and just shook his head. Haru sighed… but accepted defeat.

They started home at the same leisurely pace. Makoto offered his hand once they were past the school gates, as was becoming their new routine, but Haru hesitated in taking it. In truth, he still hadn't warmed to this whole handholding thing… Makoto looked about ready to take his hand back—his face already starting to redden—when Haru reached forward and linked his arm through Makoto's instead. His boyfriend spared him a quick glance but adapted easily.

It was a little awkward at first, walking like a couple in some old-time movie. They were closer than usual. He thought he heard actual giggles bubbling up from Makoto as he worked out the mechanics—either he was bumping into the other boy or accidentally tugging their arms apart—but Haru found he was unbothered by this reaction. He nudged Makoto a little harder on the next step, making them both stumble, just a bit. It coaxed a real laugh out of Makoto, and Haru smiled as he focused back in.

Ultimately, he found his footing. Their legs were brushing against each other as well, but neither one was leaning into the other too much to affect their movement. Like the cuddling, it was surprisingly comfortable. Made him question why he'd been such a stickler for personal space before—with Makoto anyway. Much better than holding hands.

But he didn't miss the way Makoto's smile settled and then began to fade entirely as they neared their homes. They headed straight for Haru's house, of course. It had been the designated hang-out long before they'd buckled down on their studying and needed the quiet of an otherwise empty house. It occurred to him now that—for another couple—a house where there were never parents home might hold other promises. He'd gotten a little better at being brutally honest with himself and what he wanted since this relationship began… And the thought that Makoto might want that next step made him groan internally.

Was that what had him so tense? Was he dreading Haru's reaction before asking for more?

Haru made no effort to hide his sigh. (He was sure Makoto could read it in his posture anyway.) They settled across from each other at the low living room table, as usual, but neither moved to set up any of their books. And even more unusual, Haru broke the silence first. "Are you mad at me?"

Makoto shook his head, but his eyes were sad and focused on the table between them. "No. I just... wanted to talk."

Haru let this next lapse go on as long as Makoto needed it to. Though it _was_ unsettling that he was this reluctant to continue. It was all the proof he needed that whatever was coming was going to change everything.

"Haru, I… I've been wondering… what it is you want."

His brows furrowed. "What I want?"

Makoto finally raised his eyes from the table. There was a new firmness there. He'd found the strength to have this conversation. "This past week has been really nice. I think we've both been pushed out of our comfort zones a little, and I've learned a lot about myself…" Haru nodded emphatically. "And I almost don't want to do this while it's all still shiny and new and… distracting… But I'm afraid that if I keep putting it off, this'll fall apart, and I won't get a chance to say it at _all_."

"You're rambling," Haru cut in bluntly. He wanted to absorb the full weight of this conversation and was afraid of getting lost in all the padding if Makoto didn't get to the point soon.

"Yeah. I am." He laughed a little sheepishly. "Haru… why are we dating?"

Haru frowned. Somehow, _Because Kisumi was being a jerk and I didn't like seeing you sad_ felt like the wrong answer. "Because it's what you wanted."

"Yes. …But is it what _you_ wanted?"

Haru was quiet for a moment. He felt almost like they'd been transported back in time to that first afternoon in the entryway, when Makoto had asked him if he was gay, and all he could really do was shrug. But he _had_ been doing a lot of thinking during the past week. He wanted to be more assertive about things this time around. "I wasn't sure at first. But it's what I want _now_."

Makoto deliberated on this with what was most certainly a grimace on his face. "I just… I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything for my sake."

"I want you to be happy," Haru answered.

This didn't appear to placate Makoto at all. "Yeah. That's exactly what I'm worried about."

"That's a bad thing?"

Makoto glanced away again, perhaps cowed by the intense way Haru was holding his gaze. "If you're _only_ doing it to make me happy… It's not… how relationships are supposed to work."

"I don't care about _supposed to_ ," he answered, an edge creeping into his voice. "Is it not enough for _you_?"

"I don't want to force you to be something you're not for my sake." However downcast he still looked, this answer was immediate. "I want you to be happy too."

"I _am_ happy." It was Haru's turn to take a quiet moment to gather his thoughts. "I never really thought about dating before. It was something that _other_ people did, and I didn't feel left out or anything. I didn't consider too hard that _you_ might. This week has been different… But I've liked most of it."

Makoto worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. Haru got the feeling this conversation wasn't going quite the way he'd expected… like he was encountering things he hadn't considered. Quietly, he worked through Haru's last question. "Is happiness not enough? Does there have to be love too?"

"I _do_ love you." Makoto snapped to attention, his eyes wide. Haru wondered if it was mirrored on his own face. It was the first time he'd ever said it out loud, and a little thrill had gone through him. But he felt not even a sliver of desire to take it back. Makoto opened his mouth and let it fall shut again—twice—without a single word emerging. But Haru knew his intentions were a protest, so he reschooled his expression into something firm again. "Do you think I would lie to you?"

Makoto chuckled softly, fondly. "No. You're not _that_ accommodating. And I also know you're too stubborn to do anything you _really_ didn't like. That's what keeps tripping me up, when I think about this past week. I've been going around in circles, trying to figure out _why_ you're doing all this."

"Because I want you to be happy," he repeated. "Because it makes me happy to see you happy. Because I really like being the person who makes you happy. _I_ think that's love."

"Yes… It is." Was he imagining Makoto starting to relax? The fight seemed to be leaving him. At the very least, they were both settling into having the conversation they needed to have. And there was something missing from Makoto's response.

"But it's not the way you love me," Haru supplied. "…Does it have to be?"

"I don't know anymore." This sigh wasn't quite as sad as the last ones. "I used to think so. …Can I just ramble for a bit? I keep trying to organize my thoughts, and nothing is coming out the way I want it to."

Makoto laughed a little self-consciously, but Haru released an actual sigh of relief. "Yes, please." Anything to give his own mind a chance to relax.

"Good. Okay, so… I don't know what I was really expecting. I guess because we always spend so much time together anyway, I didn't think all that much would change. I didn't expect you to initiate… anything, to be honest. And I knew it was mostly for my sake, so I tried to just enjoy it at first… But the longer that went on, the more I started worrying _you_ weren't enjoying it…"

Haru hadn't been planning to interject at all, but now he spoke up, "I don't like holding your hand… And the kissing is only okay as long as it's… short. But I like that we're closer now. I'm pretty sure I won't ever sleep _with_ you. But I'd be happy sleeping _beside_ you."

"Yeah, that's about all I could picture with us," Makoto agreed. But he didn't sound disappointed.

Haru frowned. "I keep trying to find… rules or something. Some way to clearly define how this is supposed to work. …For some reason, I've got Rin's voice in my head, saying that not wanting to do the physical stuff… not loving you in that way… means it's not real."

A smile quirked at Makoto's lips. "I've got Rei in mine, talking about percentages and balance."

Haru cocked his head to the side, not comprehending.

"The way it happens in love stories, and the way people always talk about love, it should even out, right? Two people meet in the middle because they love each other the same amount. I'm not sure how that love can be measured when one side on that scale is romantic and the other is—mostly?—platonic. It feels like, even if we were perfectly 50-50, those two halves shouldn't be able to touch."

"But they _have_ ," Haru cut in stubbornly.

"Yes," Makoto agreed. "I think so too. Which is why… whenever I try to follow that line of reasoning… it's always immediately followed up by reminding myself that that's not usually how it works out in real life anyway. It's an awful truth, but almost always… one side is more invested in the relationship than the other."

Haru sat back, tipping his eyes to the ceiling with a grimace. "I'm tired of _shoulds_ and _supposed tos_. Don't _we_ get to decide what's good enough?"

Makoto took a deep breath. "Here's what I know: When we started dating for real, it _should've_ felt wrong. Like it didn't live up to my expectations or whatever. But it didn't. I've felt a lot of things this past week, but not disappointment. Over the years, I've definitely had some fantasies about a storybook relationship between the two of us. But I had a more realistic idea of what it would actually be like too. I fell in love with _you_ , Haru. And I accept everything that means. I'm sure there are some things that don't live up to your expectations either. You're right. _We_ should get to decide what makes us happy. And if I can spend the rest of my days beside you like this, I'll be happy."

"I want to keep trying to find that middle ground where we can," Haru persisted. "I'm not opposed to _all_ of it."

"I appreciate that. And… I guess I don't have to tell you not to feel pressured to do anything you don't want to. I'm not about to push you into any of the sex stuff."

Haru scrutinized him directly for a moment. Even once it became clear they were 'coming clean' here, he hadn't really expected this to be one of the things Makoto would want to discuss openly. Not yet anyway. But as long as they were here… "It really doesn't bother you? That I don't want to have sex with you? I'm talking _never_ , Makoto. I guess I don't know about all the touching yet… But the kissing was kinda gross. I can't imagine enjoying anything more… intimate than that."

He expected a blush to steadily creep over Makoto's face. Maybe some incoherent, spluttering responses. But laughter bubbled up from him instead, emerging as a string of chuckles. "Believe it or not… I do have a working hand, Haru-chan. Two of them, in fact."

And Haru found he was the one blushing. He didn't want to think about Makoto… masturbating. Ugh. His own response was nothing more than a mumbled, "Enough with the _chan_ already."

All was silence and stillness between them for a moment. And then they both burst out laughing. Their heads bent together over the table until they touched, resting there, Haru's bangs tickling the bridge of Makoto's nose.

"Okay," he said at last. "I guess… we have our answer."

Haru smiled. "It comes down to happiness, Makoto. And that's different for everyone. I'm not sure I'm _in_ love with you. But I love you. And _I'm_ happiest when I spend time with you."

"I second that last part. And that's enough for me."

**…………**

Later, when they'd moved to the couch and were collapsed into each other, feeling almost melded together… Makoto murmured, sounding like he hated to even bring it up again, "You know… If we do go through with this… living together, letting everyone know we're dating… You're gonna have to justify it to everyone we talk to. You know, _really_ talk to… about how we are…"

He was fumbling for words, but Haru got the gist. Haru fixed him with a look that was almost petulant. "No one gets to tell _me_ who _I_ love."

Makoto smiled. It felt a little like he was trying to press himself even further up against Haru. "And no one gets to tell me what is or isn't enough."

**…………**

Even later on than that… When the sun was just setting and they still hadn't moved from the couch to take out their books… Makoto had fallen asleep. Haru made no move to wake him, choosing instead to watch him, head resting on the taller boy's shoulder.

The serious conversation had finally come to a real end, and they'd gone on talking about nothing in particular. It was weird. After so many years spent side by side, day after day, he wouldn't have thought they had anything left to talk about. But the mindless conversation came easily.

He watched Makoto sleep, thinking he could get used to this. Thinking about how one conversation, one moment could change everything. And how those changes didn't scare him so much anymore. He had the rest of his life to stare at Makoto's features. And eventually… watch those familiar features shift with age, the same way they'd shifted out of childhood.

He found… he was actually excited for whatever would come next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we've reached the end… Thoughts? I knew from the start that this was always going to sort of be the story before the story, so I do wonder if it seems anticlimactic for the readers. I suppose the rest of the story just isn't something that I felt I really needed to write. They'll continue to have smaller moments, of course, working out specifics and boundaries, but the issues I really wanted to tackle for this story were the questions of love and happiness and unconventional relationships being of equal worth, so long as both/all parties involved are on the same page.


End file.
